21 Day Sugar Detox Adventure

21 Day Sugar Detox Day 11 and still holding fast.  I have never in my life gone without sugar for 11 days.  That seems like a ridiculous thing for me to say.  I've spent large chunks of my life on diets.  I've spent the last 11 years trying to eat a mostly traditional diet.  I've been paleo for long stretches in the past 3 years.  In all that time I still managed to get my sugar fix.  Before you judge,  I wasn't cheating with Twinkies or Little Debbie Nutty Bars. *sigh*  I was getting my sugar in forms that were perfectly allowable on any and all of the previously mentioned eating plans.  I could ingest tons of sugar and still come in under my POINTS thanks to lots of low fat, high sugar treats. Whole milk puddings, soaked grain breads, pies with a crust made with real lard are excellent for the sugar addict following a traditonal diet.  And the web is full of recipes for paleo friendly versions of your favorite desserts and treats.  Cookies sweetened with dates?  Dates are a fruit, how can that be bad for you?  Yep,  any diet I was on the first thing I did was figure out how to make allowable versions of those foods that got me here in the first place.  Don't get me wrong, if we are speaking strictly blood sugar, high fiber,high fat, naturally sweet treats are waaaay better for me than my beloved Nutty Bars. But in the end sugar is sugar is sugar and it's all bad for me.  That was a painful sentence type.

Here is what I have learned about myself in the past ll days while doing the 21 Day Sugar Detox.

1.     I think about sugar a lot.  A LOT!

No I don't sit around like a young drooling child dreaming of raiding Willy Wonka's  candy factory....very often.  The first four days of this detox was me having a continuous inner monlog about how I didn't need stevia in my morning decaf, how I could use oil and vinegar on my salad instead of Russian dressing.  I don't even like Russian dressing but guess what it's loaded with?  I had to convince myself that my craving for an orange Izze was really a craving for vitamin C, easily solved by eating a bell pepper.  It was very n.oisy in my head those first few days.  Then I learned something else important.


2.     I don't have to think about sugar a lot.

After the first week it has become pretty simple to pass up many treats that used to plague me if I "deprived" myself of them.  I've heard this over and over from people that went on Atkins or other really low carb regimens.  I never stayed on a strict low carb diet long enough to feel that.  I had begun to doubt that I would ever have that ability.  I just needed a longer and stricter detox period than many people.  The first four days I didn't even consume any fruit or  dairy products. I don't feel compelled to eat sugary treats when they are available.  On day 5 of my sugar detox my family was baptised.  To celebrate we invited friends and family over to our house for cake and punch.  If you know me at all, you know that cake is my favorite food.  I stayed out of the kitchen and I visited and had the best time.  At the end of the evening I realized that I hadn't sat around having an internal pity party because I couldn't eat cake.  I hadn't thought about it much at all.  That was the turning point where I decided I wasn't making a big sacrifice I was just making a good choice.

3.     I can live this way for the rest of my life.

Living with type 2 diabetes is like trying to solve a puzzle.  There are so many components to put together when trying to even live with the disease, much less reverse it. You think you have all the pieces in the right place but then something new pops up that you have to deal with.  But what you eat is most definitely the main component.  I have learned that I absolutely can control the evil voice in my mind that is telling me to go through the drive through or have a cookie.  I can even get through restless periods or boredom without eating my way out of it.  This is big people!

I am half way through the official detox and I feel better than I have in a couple of years.  My blood sugars that have been very high have come down slowly but surely to much better levels.  I have energy to take my toddler out in the hot Texas sun to ride her tricycle.  I have energy to clean my kitchen late at night after our guests have left.  I'm feeling more positive, happy, and calm then I have in a while.  I have the energy and desire to write a blog post!  While starting the detox felt like a big last ditch effort to control my diabetes it has become an empowering event in my life that has let me feel like I have regained the upper hand again.  Not bad for a mere 11 days.

A Socially Acceptable Addiction

     "I'm addicted to sugar."  I know a lot of people who say this and then follow it up with a little laugh and a roll of their eyes.  Is this because they think they're joking?  Maybe they think that sugar can't be a real addiction like cocaine, heroin, or alcohol.  Well, they need to think again.  Would you like a peek inside of my head for just a moment?  Don't be scared, I really do have conversations with myself inside my head all the time.  Heck, I probably have whole conversations with you inside my head all the time.

First thought upon waking this morning:

 "Okay, no sugar or grains today…period." <a moment of silence>

 "But I can't drink my coffee black!"  

"Yes you can!"

"Okay..." *sigh*

I then proceeded to have one cup of black coffee. I ate my grain free and sugar free breakfast.  With my breakfast I drank another cup of coffee.

     ”a little sugar and whole cream won't hurt anything"

     ”okay but you can have only one teaspoon and plenty of cream."

I followed that cup up with another.  Then I decided it was great idea to make some chocolate chip meringue cookies.  

     "Chocolate chip cookies sure do sound good."

     "I shouldn't make those.  It will kill my blood sugar."

     "If I make meringues they will be grain free.  I can reduce the amount of sugar and use sucanat instead of regular sugar. 

     ”That’s not too bad.  The kids could have much worse."

     ”At least these won't be full of high fructose corn syrup and other nasty ingredients."

   For lunch I made some grain free crackers that I served with almond butter, raw cheese, and apples. 

     ”You know what? The kids would sure enjoy a glass of chocolate milk with that."

     "They sure would and I guess I'll have some too since I've already blown the whole no sugar thing today."

So yes, we washed down an otherwise healthy lunch with chocolate milk.  The only member of my family safe from my self destructive behavior is Little Bit who is too young to know what she is missing.

     Are these conversations any different than one that an alcoholic trying to kick the habit would have?  No.  Wait; there is one major, glaring difference I see.  Most alcoholics are sensible enough to not make a gin and tonic for the kiddos at lunch time.  Sugar is a socially acceptable addiction. It's no less harmful than drugs or alcohol but readily available in steady supply to even the youngest and most vulnerable members of our society.  I am my kids’ dealer.  I am diabetic.  I know that they are genetically predisposed to it so I try my best to feed them well and teach them sound nutrition.  Then I feed them sugar.  I think a little here and there won't hurt but if I am honest with myself, those every now and then treats tend to happen on an almost daily basis.  Even if they go a day without some sort of sweet, I am sure to have some.

Do you need further proof of the serious nature of sugar addiction?  In a French study presented at the 2007 annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, rats given a choice between water sweetened with saccharin or cocaine overwhelmingly chose the sweetened water.  If the amount of cocaine was increased, they still chose the saccharin water.  Given a choice between sugar water and cocaine, the sugar water won. It is thought that sugar actually causes a more intense reward signal in the brain than cocaine!  I have no doubt.

These internal conversations I've shared with you are not unusual.  I battle with myself like this on a daily basis.  I know that I will battle this addiction for the rest of my life.  Well meaning friends and family, that wouldn't think of offering me alcohol if I were an alcoholic, will continue to offer me my favorite treats.  I know I will be faced with them at parties and holidays. Do I want them to stop?  Heck no! I would be sad if my mom didn't make me a cake for my birthday or if my husband didn't buy me that small box of my favorite chocolates for Valentine's day. The emotional pull that sugar has on my life is a topic for another day.  I know that I will not go the rest of my life without sugar but I sure hope to spend about 90% of my time without it.  I'll write here about my progress and share tips and recipes that help me along the way.  I'd love to hear your tricks and tips too.  The next time I'm invited to a party I hope they have a big table full of cocaine.  I can totally pass that up!  Cake... well that’s another story all together.

Birth Story of the Littlest Rongey Part 2

     Here is part 2 of my extremely long birth saga.  

  Friday the 21^st I decided that I needed to go ahead and make a meal plan for the weekend and go grocery shopping.  I’d lived all week thinking that “today is the day” and had been wrong everyday.  I figured I couldn’t count on anything happening so I should go on with life as normal.  I got the kids in the car and headed to the grocery store about 4:00 in the afternoon on a Friday.  It was incredibly busy.  I became increasingly agitated as the trip went on.  I thought at first that it was just the crowded, loud store but as I was standing in line at the pharmacy, I realized I was having regular contractions.  They weren’t too bad, just slightly uncomfortable and short but they were coming at regular intervals.  I figured they were just Braxton-Hicks.  We finally got what we needed and got out.  By the time I got home I was so agitated and ready to be in my own space that I started thinking my body was trying to tell me something.  I was glad to see my husgand K's car in the driveway when we got there.  He’d come home a little early.  I went inside and told him, “I don’t think I should be driving anymore until this baby gets here.”  Some of the contractions on the way home were strong enough that I wanted to concentrate on them but I had to pay attention to the road instead.

       I went into the office  where he was working and started doing spirals on the huge, red birth ball that my midwife had let me borrow.  I had been using it to try and bring the baby down and encourage labor.  Now this ball became my best friend.  It felt good to spiral through a contraction.  After a while I started leaning my head on K's  chest while I spiraled through my contraction.  Not because they hurt so badly but because it just felt wonderful and comforting to have him there.

       We timed some of the contractions and they were mostly 15 seconds long, a few were 20, and about 7 to 10 minutes apart.   I felt yet another one of those familiar gushes that I’d been having all week.  I went to the bathroom but this time the pad was stained with a light brown color.  This worried me a little so we decided to call the midwife.  She felt it was probably meconioum and if I was in labor that it was no big deal but if this wasn’t actual labor then it was probably time for a little intervention.  She said that she and her student would get their stuff together and head on over. 

     The contractions kept coming and were getting slightly longer.  We decided to call  our birth photographer and see if she would come take some early labor pictures.  Being a very busy mother of 4, she was taking a rare and much needed night out with a friend when I called her.  I felt so bad interrupting her dinner but like the amazing friend she is, she got her equipment and came on over around 9:30.  This is one of my favorite parts of the whole birth.  It was such a wonderful atmosphere of quiet excitement.  Nobody knew that our baby was on it’s way except our immediate family, our photographer, and our midwives.   The big kids were so sweet.  They were happy and kept coming to check on me but they were quiet and left me alone to work through my contractions.  We had disscussed how too much distraction could slow my labor down and I think they were so excited to meet this baby that they didn’t want to take any chances.  We got pictures of  the kids reading a book about homebirth with the whole family huddled on the bed together.  One of my favorite photos ever!  

      The midwives(we'll call them M and E ) arrived around 11:30 and got things set up.  My contractions were a little longer now, maybe 20-30 seconds, and a little stronger but I worked through them with ease.  In between we chatted and joked around.  I puttered around the kitchen a bit thawing food that I had made a week before in anticipation of feeding my family and my birth team.  The kids went to bed around 11 but my youngest son made me promise that if the baby was coming we would get him up because he wanted to see it.  I promised him but I don’t think he entirely believed me.  He was afraid he was going to miss the whole thing.  This birth was to be a good lesson in patience for him.

      I had been in my bedroom for most of the evening and M suggested we go to the living room for a change of pace.  E went to lay down and get some rest.  It was so quiet and peaceful.   I sat on the birth ball and bounced my way through contractions and we talked.  We talked about nutrition and birth and how different this was from all my medicalized births.  We talked about how amazing and wonderful it was that I had done it.  We talked about how hard I had worked to stay off of insulin this pregnancy.   I had let my body go into labor naturally and I was at home, in my own space, laboring away.  That was the first time I allowed myself to really feel a sense of victory.

      After a while, my sweet husband started dozing on the couch and  I suggested he go get some sleep.  I think it was somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning.  He was reluctant but saw the sense in it and off he went to bed.  M and I hung out just a little longer in the living room talking.  The contractions weren’t too bad.  I’d close my eyes and breathe through them and then just pick the conversation back up where I’d left off.  I loved sitting in the quiet house, just me and my good friend  talking and laboring.  It was exactly what I had imagined when I had dared to imagine it. A little after 2am  I mentioned to that I was tired and wished I could sleep.  M hopped into action and built me the most intensly comfortable nest of pillows on my bed next to my sleeping husband.  She went off to catch some rest as well.   I snuggled in and fell asleep.  I  would wake and work through a contraction and fall right back to sleep.  It amused me to no end that I was sleeping through labor.  I slept on and off like this for around an hour when I was awakened by that familiar gush I’d been experiencing all week.  I got up and went to the bathroom and back into bed.  I fell asleep again and managed to get two hours sleep before a contraction hit me that I could not work through half asleep.  I tried to go back to sleep afterward but it was impossible.  My midwife heard me up in the room and came in to see how I was doing.  I was fine but  I wanted back on that beautiful, red birth ball.  No more cozy pillow nest for me.

       She offered to check me and I took her up on it.  I was at the dreaded 3 cm.  I say ‘dreaded’ because that is as far as I got with my last attempt to VBAC, even on pitocin for 6 hours.  I knew mentally that I had to let go of my fear of being “only a 3” and keep working.  I had to get past that number so I could let go of the self doubt.  M, I believe, having the attuned sense of the experienced midwife that she is could feel my doubt hang over me like a dark cloud at that moment.  She praised me for how well I was doing.  She told me that she was surprised that I was already this far.  I told her that I was tired and I didn’t know what I was going to do if I had hours of this before me.  She told me that I did have hours of this before me.  I was a VBAC who had never pushed a baby out.  I could be doing  this for days and I needed to pace and prepare myself.  Nothing like the hard truth early in the morning.  That did it’s job.  I got recentered and focused and went back to work.  It was somewhere between 5 and 6 in the morning when my youngest son walked into my room to see if he had missed the baby being born.  I tried to send him back to bed but he was having none of it.  That is when we decided to call my mom.  She was going to be the kid wrangler and house doula.  K had called her at midnight the night before just to give her a heads up.  She was already up and waiting for the call.  Once she was on her way, I could totally relax knowing the other kids were being taken care of.  The next few hours were spent in my bedroom mostly sitting on my beloved birth ball and rotating through my contractions.  It was blissful.  I had my mp3 player loaded up with my birth playlist and I let it repeat while I did my thing. K would rub my back or my shoulders.  He’d hug me tight and let me just lean on him.  We talked, mostly about how exciting and cool it was that we were doing this thing!  He was so wonderful.  He took such good care of me.  Everything was so safe.  Every once in a while I would sit on the bed during a contraction.  I started to joke that our super soft bed stopped my labor but it seriously did slow down contractions.  The birth ball seemed to be the most productive place for me to be.  At one point I went to the restroom and had a contraction on the toilet.  It was seriously intense and I vowed I would not get caught there again during a contraction. (this is foreshadowing.)     By this point, I have been in labor over 12 hours.